Living In Safe Mode

Have you ever opened your computer in safe mode? Perhaps you are living your life in safe mode…

When referring to computers, safe mode is a troubleshooting option for Windows that starts your computer in a limited state. Only the basic files and drivers necessary to run Windows are started.  Safe mode almost always (nothing is 100%) is an indication that a problem exists.

Here is a good place for me to ask a question…are you operating in safe mode in any of your relationships? Confused? Please allow me to explain.

Yesterday in an open group session (i.e., Open means I am not sharing any confidential information.), a young man shared his method of setting boundaries when he starts a new job. His approach was met with a great deal of opposition. Several people expressed that they believed that setting a boundary up front could only be expressed and perceived negatively. As such, the chance of a negative outcome (in their opinion) was imminent. — Of course, I couldn’t disagree more!

I am willing to bet that most of the people in that room who were uncomfortable with the young man’s up front approach are living their lives in safe mode and more than likely have several unhealthy relationships. I am also willing to bet that someone reading this is thinking I have made a broad judgment without knowing his or her situation. However, I submit to you and them that healthy relationships cannot exist without boundaries and rarely can they exist in safe mode.

Here is a good place to explain what safe mode means in relationships…

Do you say yes when you really want to say no? Do you agree with something just to avoid an argument? Do you participate in group activities that you dislike but state that you like the activity? Do you keep your opinion to yourself for fear of being judged? Do you accept bad behavior on your job for fear of being fired? These are all characteristics of a safe mode mentality. As such, if you answered yes to any of these questions, you are more than likely living in safe mode in the relationships associated with that area of your life.

Please know that I am not telling you to unload your feelings, or say exactly what you feel to anyone or that there will not be any consequences if you speak your mind/heart. However, it would be irresponsible of me if I did not tell you that communicating in safe mode limits the possibilities of your relationships. As well as the other person never experiences the full benefit of the wonderful person you can be.

I challenge you to redefine the definition of living in safe mode by changing your perception of what it means to set boundaries. People will treat you the way that you allow them to. Therefore, if you don’t want to do something, say “No.” If you want to be spoken to in a certain manner, communicate how you want to be approached. If you have an opposing opinion, express it in love and with confidence. Let people know that your new safe mode is being transparent in regards to what they can expect from you and what is expected of them when it comes to you.